Apr 29, 2008: The Wisdom of the Father

It's been a few days since I posted, but I can assure you, nothing much as changed here - STILL having painful, irregular contractions and the ever-present low back pain caused by this little one's head, which is "engaged" in my pelvis. What the midwife omitted to say that "engaged" means that "from now on you will be in excruciating pain and will not be able to find a comfortable position if your life/sleep depends on it!!" At least that's what it SHOULD mean.

In these past few days I have been marinating some theories in my head, and now I hope to present them to you for your consumption, if you are hungry, that is. I titled this entry "The wisdom of the Father", but, no,no,no I'm not talking about MY Father, second generation race-car-drive-extraordina

ire, whose knowledge is primarily of the crank-shaft and piston variety...you know, that "handy", p-r-a-c-t-i-c-a-l know-how that comes with garages and oily stuff. Not him, but my FATHER, as in OUR FATHER, who art in heaven. The Alpha and Omega, creator of the universe. Yup, THAT guy. And what turned my baby-brained train onto this particular track was at church this Sunday, after the ladies sang a beautiful rendition of "He knows my name". I'll put the lyrics here so you can get the feel for it, if you don't know the song:

I have a Maker
He formed my heart
Before even time began
My life was in his hands

Chorus
He knows my name
He knows my every thought
He sees each tear that falls
and He hears me when I call

I have a Father
He calls me His own
He'll never leave me
No matter where I go

It's a simple, beautiful song, and very comforting. Don't misunderstand me, I don't pretend to have experienced even a tenth of tragedy or personal loss that so many others have had to go through – BUT, I'm not so naïve not to think that there will be hard times coming. I've just been blessed so far, and I thank the Lord for that.

Sorry, tangent…back to my original thoughts. Anyway, I sat there in church mulling this over, God's infinite wisdom and it is just mind-altering. He KNOWS everything. He is the "Ancient of Days" (as I learned in my Beth Moore bible study), which means He was here BEFORE time began, He is here NOW, and He will be here at the very end…and I use the word "time" loosely – because he actually transcends time. Soooo, while I sit here trying MY best to persuade this baby to come out, and complain about this minor pain I'm going through, God Knows exactly when he will be born – he even knows HOW much pain I can handle – so even if I beg and plead and try to CONVINCE Him that I have reached my absolute limit, only He knows if I have or haven't. Scary thought. Not that you can ever "bargain" with God, but He does have the upper hand on knowing how EVERYTHING is going to turn out in the end. Having faith in his omniscience should be enough to get most everyone through anything, don't you think?

Those of you that really know me know that I am a sleeper. I really enjoy my sleep, relish my sleep. I once slept for 24 hours straight, only waking up to go the bathroom and then climb back into my cozy, dark, nest of fluffy comforter. Well, last night, I couldn't sleep. And of course, it's because of THIS BABY in my belly, and what he doesn't know is that is the LAST STRAW, messing with my most treasured slumbering moments! (Also, just so you don't think I will be disillusioned when he gets here, my OTHER children are champion-sleepers, too, usually from about 9 weeks old!! It might be genetic!) Well, as I was tossing and turning fitfully trying to lull myself back into a catatonic state, I pictured an analogy of God's plan for us.

IF left to my own devices, I would have been a kindergarten teacher by day and solid-gold dancer by night (according to my third grade aspirations), and I would most assuredly be married and divorced three times, blaming myself for every failure. BUT, somehow, God interceded and saved me from that path. (Thankfully so – since He also did not bless me with the gift of dance!) Just so you know, I didn't come to know God until 2005, but I can tell you that, looking back, He had his hand in my life, guiding the way, even before I KNEW him. I made my fair share of wrong turns, and paid for them, too – but here I am today, HAPPILY married to my soul mate, whom He crafted JUST FOR ME (and it took a while, too – Jeff is 7 months younger than I am), and now we are waiting for our next little blessing to come along.

Oh yes, the analogy – well, I pictured a maze, like in Dylan's highlight's magazines…where there is only one way out, but LOTS of dead-ends. So we all get dropped into this big maze, and we immediately start going somewhere, God tries his best to guide us to the "right" path, but sometimes the allure of the "wrong path", whether it looks pleasing/easier/fun/more exciting, entices us, and we may venture down it. Will God stop you? Nope. Will He make it unbearably hard for you because you chose the "wrong" path? Maybe, maybe not. Will he allow good things to happen to you on that path? Probably. But, what He knows, and you don't (although if you listen he might try and tell you), is that the path you are on leads to nowhere. He might let you get all the way to the end to discover that, though. The end for some people is a lot darker than some, it could be drugs, alcohol, depression, or the quest for money, or vanity, or fame but once you get there, and realize there is nothing more than an insurmountable wall, what do you do?

Remember, God is looking down just willing you to "look up" and seek Him, Luke 11:9 says "So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Have you heard that before? Well, it's true! Do you know what happens then? He will pick you up from your pit (whatever it may be) dust you off and drop you onto the "right" path!!! You might ask, why would God let me go on the "wrong" path for so long? Or, why would He allow me get to the "dead end" before He saves me? I'll tell you! When he created you, he also put inside you "free will" – because He wants you to make a conscious decision to come to Him. He doesn't want blind robots to mechanically follow after Him; he wants you to choose to love Him! If you have kids, it's the same concept. They shouldn't follow you because they Fear you, or because they just think that's what they are "Supposed to" do…they should want to love you, because of your repeated demonstration of your love for them.

I want to leave you with a final little "nugget" of scripture…because I know many of you may be at that insurmountable wall I talked about. I also have an inkling that around 7-9 cm I might be joining you at that wall…so here it is, and you may have heard this before, too. "If he brings you TO it, he will bring you through it." To borrow from my Beth Moore bible study again, there is a a story that illustrates this point perfectly. In the third chapter of the book of Daniel, three of Daniel's friends, (who were Jews taken into Babylonian captivity), refused to bow down and worship King Nebuchadnezzar when the horns and flutes started– which was the rule in his kingdom. They knew that the punishment for refusing to worship the king was being thrown in a fiery furnace, a blazing, huge pit of fire that could melt even metal. Why would they do that? Well, they knew that the worship of anyone other than God was wrong, and they also knew that God's providence would cover them, and He would somehow intervene to save them. I don't know how sure I would have felt when they strapped my arms together and dragged me up to the top of this fiery pit, but Beth Moore put it this way: (paraphrased) God has three options for you – he will deliver you FROM it, deliver you THROUGH it, or deliver you home to Him. Any way you look at, it's a win-win situation. So, up the mountain they go, and the fire is blazing so hot that even the guards that carried them up there died from the heat – but do you know what happened? Jesus himself (I think it says "a man like the son of God") WALKED THEM THROUGH THE FIRE!!! They came out on the other side, completely un-crispy, and NOT EVEN SMELLING OF SMOKE! This gives me tremendous hope and comfort, and I hope it does the same for you.

Those of you who don't know the story may doubt, but I encourage you to read the book. Also know, that if he is going to bring you through it – he will give you ALL the strength you need, "I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me" (Phil 4:13), which is another mantra I will be repeating to myself in the midst of labor…ha ha. Anyway, thanks for hanging with me, sorry, I kind of Jeff-ed you there…but these are all the things I was thinking about last night, and it's not these ideas just materialized out of nowhere – I've known them for a while, I just wanted to share them with YOU, because a lot of you that may read this might not know this side of me yet, and since I'm not usually a "talker" like my husband, putting my thoughts on paper/screen comes much easier! Love you all, talk to you soon!