Sitting here, perched atop my yellow, nubby "birth ball", I find myself at a strange crossroads between eager and nostalgic. Whereas I am more than anxious to meet this little guy that is wreaking havoc on my internal organs, I feel a twinge of melancholy that this pregnancy will soon be over.
I was contemplating this last night, as I sat "criss-cross applesauce" on my bed, gazing down at my over-inflated basketball of a stomach. A verse came to mind "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." (Psalm 139:13,14) and it is so true. It is amazing what our bodies go through - the entire cycle of pregnancy, the miracle of birth (and the bigger miracle of RECOVERY!), I can't help but be thankful that I have been blessed with such great health throughout this whole process!
I am going to attempt to go "natural" this time around - which scares the be-jeebers out of me, because of the pain I have been having so far, just in pre-labor! There is another quote that I love, which my midwife has posted in her office: "There is a secret in our culture, it's not that birth is painful, it's that women are strong" - Laura Stavoe Harm. Isn't that great? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a martyr or anything, but I would love to experience birth the way it is meant to be, natural, and the ultimate, beautiful gift of love a mother can give. After watching "the business of being born" (Documentary produced by Ricki Lake), I was all hopped up on the fact that I can do it...and Jeff, being "all or nothing" was ready to call a midwife and buy a pool so "we" could just have the baby at home, in our living room. Maybe next time, sweetie.
This is just the strangest feeling, waiting for something so momentous. Obviously, I didn't go in last night to have her "break my water"...oh, boy, was I tempted, though! I'm just trying to relax (yeah right) and get as much done as I can before everything happens! Which includes completing all my physics II homework (a nightmare!), baking and freezing stuff...cleaning like mad, and giving Lukie lots of love and time. Speaking of Luke, he is still sick, and currently snoozing on the couch, one arm around his puppy "bullet" (toy), all cozy underneath his new Cars blankie. He is too cute, poor baby - even when he is sick, though, he is still very loving and happy.
Well, sorry for the non-exciting post. Someone please send me some labor vibes so I don't have to go to work this weekend!!
Friday, May 2, 2008
Thursday, May 1, 2008
May 1. 2008: Castor Oil and other failed attempts at labor...
Okay, for those of you patiently waiting to hear some news, any news, and here it is, as bleak and boring as it gets.
Yesterday, I went to my 39 week appointment, with high hopes of hearing great news like "wow, you are like 6 cm dilated, do you want to stay??" or "you look really uncomfortable, let's get you an epidural so you can sleep until the baby is done getting you all anxious over this false-labor stuff..." (Ok, kidding on the last one). THIS is what I got instead: "Looks like you are still 3 cm, but your cervix has thinned 50% (it was still thick before), and the baby is even lower (at 0 station now) and the amniotic sac is 'bulging' through your cervix."
Soooooooooooo, I guess that counts as good news. BUT, not as great as I was aiming for. Also, the midwife mentioned that she is on call tomorrow night (which is now tonight), and if I came in for a "labor check", she might "accidentally" break my water....hmmmmm....clearly she must have sensed the desperation in my voice when I recounted Tuesday night's painful teaser-contraction circus. When I casually mentioned this to Jeff, he said he thought it wasn't a great idea and "we" should wait until my water breaks on its own, when the little eagle is ready. I told him it must be easy for him to think so clear when there isn't an 8 pound grapefruit pushing against his cervix. Oh that's right, he doesn't have a cervix. Nice plan, God, giving the women the "joy" of birth. Ha, ha. Okay, I'm only kidding - I don't want to be struck down by lightening, just go into labor sometime in the next like 6 hours.
I also picked up some CASTOR OIL yesterday afternoon, and after careful research on the many varied opinions, choked down a tablespoon (or at least half a tbsp!) this morning. If you have never had the pleasure of castor oil sliding down your throat, coating your teeth, tongue, and gums, is all you need to do is take a shot of melted low grade chapstick and that gives you a CLOSE approximation to what it tastes like. In anxious anticipation, I washed my hair, made myself "pretty" and double checked that the labor bags were by the door…thinking that I would be gleefully headed to the hospital at any moment…An hour later it did what it was manufactured to do (if you don't know, just look it up!), and other than that, my uterus seems to have shrugged off my meager attempt at stimulation. I fought back puking to take some more down about an hour and a half ago (thinking maybe I didn't take enough) but so far, no action.
On another note, Luke is sick right now, fever, runny nose, so I have no idea what we are going to do with him when I actually do get to go to the hospital. Knowing my luck, though, he will be all better by the time this baby decides he wants in on getting out…
I know God has this all worked into his plan, so maybe these failed attempts are just to provide humorous fodder for my blog...I'll keep everyone updated as soon as something messy or painful happens...but don't hold your breath!
Yesterday, I went to my 39 week appointment, with high hopes of hearing great news like "wow, you are like 6 cm dilated, do you want to stay??" or "you look really uncomfortable, let's get you an epidural so you can sleep until the baby is done getting you all anxious over this false-labor stuff..." (Ok, kidding on the last one). THIS is what I got instead: "Looks like you are still 3 cm, but your cervix has thinned 50% (it was still thick before), and the baby is even lower (at 0 station now) and the amniotic sac is 'bulging' through your cervix."
Soooooooooooo, I guess that counts as good news. BUT, not as great as I was aiming for. Also, the midwife mentioned that she is on call tomorrow night (which is now tonight), and if I came in for a "labor check", she might "accidentally" break my water....hmmmmm....clearly
I also picked up some CASTOR OIL yesterday afternoon, and after careful research on the many varied opinions, choked down a tablespoon (or at least half a tbsp!) this morning. If you have never had the pleasure of castor oil sliding down your throat, coating your teeth, tongue, and gums, is all you need to do is take a shot of melted low grade chapstick and that gives you a CLOSE approximation to what it tastes like. In anxious anticipation, I washed my hair, made myself "pretty" and double checked that the labor bags were by the door…thinking that I would be gleefully headed to the hospital at any moment…An hour later it did what it was manufactured to do (if you don't know, just look it up!), and other than that, my uterus seems to have shrugged off my meager attempt at stimulation. I fought back puking to take some more down about an hour and a half ago (thinking maybe I didn't take enough) but so far, no action.
On another note, Luke is sick right now, fever, runny nose, so I have no idea what we are going to do with him when I actually do get to go to the hospital. Knowing my luck, though, he will be all better by the time this baby decides he wants in on getting out…
I know God has this all worked into his plan, so maybe these failed attempts are just to provide humorous fodder for my blog...I'll keep everyone updated as soon as something messy or painful happens...but don't hold your breath!
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