The waiting game...a TEST in the fruits of the spirit...

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

So there it is. If it was time to "Stop writing, put down your pencil, and pass your test forward." I would surely fail. Most assuredly fail miserably. Lately, you could categorize my demeanor as almost the complete opposite, which I shamefully admit (I've heard it's the first step to recovery!). Unlike the Apostle Paul, imprisoned, beaten, chained, all without much cause - who continued to praise God through his sufferings...I've merely been sleep-less, back-achey, and grumpy...and unable to faithfully read my daily bible. I clearly have a loooooong way to go.

I've been using this last (never-ending) trimester as my excuse for my behavior, but I want to apologize right now. So, I apologize to my husband, who has had to endure the brunt of this complaining and miserableness on my part...and my children - who have been watching far too much PBS lately because mommy doesn't feel like entertaining them...and my friends, although they probably haven't noticed too much of a difference, I'm definitely not focused on serving others right now! My birthday cards for March are still sitting in a pile over there (as if you can see that I'm pointing to the top of the kid's kitchen!).

Anyway, I'm not terribly motivated today to do much of anything, yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms (which I absolutely LOATHE), organized under the sinks (because that is the FUN part!!), cleaned the swing we just got from my neighbor (thank you), and mopped the floors. (Of course the usual chores are in there, too - laundry, dishes, kitchen cleaning...) I also returned the library books and checked out some "new" movies for the kids (Jimmy Neutron and Speed Racer). Then I met up with Jeff, Ralph, and the kids at the Duck Pond and took a walk around, fed the ducks (even the Chernobyl ones that are all crazy looking and mean), and walked back home up two ginormous hills. Seems like enough work for a few days to me!!

I made a couple of observations while I was waddling around yesterday. #1 - there are two kinds of people in the world - and, #2- 39-week pregnant women make both of them nervous, but they have very different ways of dealing with their emotions - the "Type A" person eyes you anxiously out of the corner of their eyes, ever watchful, should you fall, or suddenly go into spontaneous labor and deliver a baby...."Type B" people clearly don't have filters...you know the type - "ANY DAY NOW, huh???" "Jeez, YOU'RE HUGE" or my favorite, "Oh wow, I never got THAT BIG when I was pregnant" to which I would LOVE to respond, "Well, you're pretty OLD now, and you know what they say about an aging memory..." (I've never said that, honest. Sorry God, I know you know all my thoughts, so I apologize for that) I guess that I don't help the matter by having these annoyingly almost-painful enough for me to stop walking contractions every 10 minutes or so.

Also had what I hope was my LAST prenatal appointment yesterday, accompanied by Marge - and this time around, I didn't manage to side-swipe any cars while parking, tee hee. (When I went to my last appt. while pregnant with Josh, Marge came with me and I merely miscalculated the size of the front of my white van in relation to the proximity of the black car parked right on the line beside me...minor damage.) Once safely inside, the midwife checked his heart rate (145), measured (40 cm), and we just chatted about the impending labor...no internal checks (they don't like doing that b/c it doesn't really hold too much significance as to when labor will begin...I really wanted to know, but I refrained from pleading. She did say that he didn't feel "Super big, maybe like 7 - 7.5 lbs" and that I had lots of water around him so it's not like I'm harboring a 10-lb fugitive in there or anything. (We'll see!) She said his head is definitely engaged in my pelvis now, and he doesn't feel OP (posterior, aka, sunny-side up). All good news, since Josh was sunny-side up (facing up when born) and it caused some serious back labor.

I feel "ready" but my thoughts about this newest arrival are contradictory, at best...scattered would be more like it. I can't wait until he is OUT but there is no putting him back IN once that happens!! I'm wondering how this labor will go in comparison to the others, hoping I make it to the birth center, hoping I progress quickly on my own without the need for intervention, hoping I don't bleed/tear excessively after...(I've been blessed with fairly uncomplicated deliveries, but that doesn't ease my anxious heart!) It is just such an amazing process, and I want to really "be there" and remember the miracle of it all. Josh came so quick we didn't have time to tape - and I really would like to have this one recorded. Part of me was hoping that my water would break at my appt. yesterday (My labor bag travels with me!) and then I could just happily walk on over to the labor room...no problem! Of course that didn't happen. I'm just curious to see if my water breaks this time around, too. I'm really terrible at timing contractions, even these "false" ones I've been having. I'm also running through every scenario in my head, like if Jeff is at work, and I have the kids here, if I don't make it to the hospital...I've pretty much exhausted all possibilities here. If you would, just pray that I make it to the birth center!!