Friday, Mar 26, 2010: Melancholy musings of a 6-day overdue Mommy

Surprise. It's groundhog day in March. At least in my world, over and over again...waking up, getting ready because there is a slim chance that "Today might be the day!" (Which has been my mantra since like mid-March - time to change it up, I guess.) So I get everyone fed, clean the kitchen, do some laundry, check my FB, make sure the cameras are charging, check my email, drink some water, time a few sporadic contractions....about as exciting as watching wax melt. Unless your into that whole thing, which I'm not.

According to my original due date - (from my first U/S) - I am only 4 days "over" due - but they changed my due date at my second ultrasound to 3/20, so I could be as much as 6 days overdue...a state which I find myself completely unequipped to deal with, both mentally and physically. I definitely jinxed myself by repeatedly assuring everyone "I always go early"...but I do place some of the blame on those of you who decided to guess late dates - you know who you are (Joy, MOM, Pastor Paul!!!)

So, in light of all this, I finally caved and took down some Castor Oil. Yep, you heard it here first. 3 tsp. down the hatch, mixed into a nice frothy root beer float. That was at 12:15. So far, nothing going on, which is okay - I erred on the side of caution with my dosage because I definitely DO NOT want to get much more uncozy than I am right now and STILL not go into labor. I would settle for the intended affects right about now, because at least that would seem to be preparing for something!

I really think a big reason that I haven't gone into labor yet is because I'm so anxious about getting to the birthing center on time...I've even made sure to research home/car birth procedures JUST IN CASE. I tend to be a bit of an OCD control-freak, so as soon as things seem to be outside of my tiny grasp of control, I begin to mentally unravel. Really, it's comical...after the fact! Okay, I really don't have anything more to type that would be worth your reading, so please PRAY for me, PRAY for a safe, healthy delivery and that we make it to the birthing center!

I'll keep everyone updated, don't you worry!

The waiting game...a TEST in the fruits of the spirit...

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." - Galatians 5:22-23

So there it is. If it was time to "Stop writing, put down your pencil, and pass your test forward." I would surely fail. Most assuredly fail miserably. Lately, you could categorize my demeanor as almost the complete opposite, which I shamefully admit (I've heard it's the first step to recovery!). Unlike the Apostle Paul, imprisoned, beaten, chained, all without much cause - who continued to praise God through his sufferings...I've merely been sleep-less, back-achey, and grumpy...and unable to faithfully read my daily bible. I clearly have a loooooong way to go.

I've been using this last (never-ending) trimester as my excuse for my behavior, but I want to apologize right now. So, I apologize to my husband, who has had to endure the brunt of this complaining and miserableness on my part...and my children - who have been watching far too much PBS lately because mommy doesn't feel like entertaining them...and my friends, although they probably haven't noticed too much of a difference, I'm definitely not focused on serving others right now! My birthday cards for March are still sitting in a pile over there (as if you can see that I'm pointing to the top of the kid's kitchen!).

Anyway, I'm not terribly motivated today to do much of anything, yesterday I cleaned the bathrooms (which I absolutely LOATHE), organized under the sinks (because that is the FUN part!!), cleaned the swing we just got from my neighbor (thank you), and mopped the floors. (Of course the usual chores are in there, too - laundry, dishes, kitchen cleaning...) I also returned the library books and checked out some "new" movies for the kids (Jimmy Neutron and Speed Racer). Then I met up with Jeff, Ralph, and the kids at the Duck Pond and took a walk around, fed the ducks (even the Chernobyl ones that are all crazy looking and mean), and walked back home up two ginormous hills. Seems like enough work for a few days to me!!

I made a couple of observations while I was waddling around yesterday. #1 - there are two kinds of people in the world - and, #2- 39-week pregnant women make both of them nervous, but they have very different ways of dealing with their emotions - the "Type A" person eyes you anxiously out of the corner of their eyes, ever watchful, should you fall, or suddenly go into spontaneous labor and deliver a baby...."Type B" people clearly don't have filters...you know the type - "ANY DAY NOW, huh???" "Jeez, YOU'RE HUGE" or my favorite, "Oh wow, I never got THAT BIG when I was pregnant" to which I would LOVE to respond, "Well, you're pretty OLD now, and you know what they say about an aging memory..." (I've never said that, honest. Sorry God, I know you know all my thoughts, so I apologize for that) I guess that I don't help the matter by having these annoyingly almost-painful enough for me to stop walking contractions every 10 minutes or so.

Also had what I hope was my LAST prenatal appointment yesterday, accompanied by Marge - and this time around, I didn't manage to side-swipe any cars while parking, tee hee. (When I went to my last appt. while pregnant with Josh, Marge came with me and I merely miscalculated the size of the front of my white van in relation to the proximity of the black car parked right on the line beside me...minor damage.) Once safely inside, the midwife checked his heart rate (145), measured (40 cm), and we just chatted about the impending labor...no internal checks (they don't like doing that b/c it doesn't really hold too much significance as to when labor will begin...I really wanted to know, but I refrained from pleading. She did say that he didn't feel "Super big, maybe like 7 - 7.5 lbs" and that I had lots of water around him so it's not like I'm harboring a 10-lb fugitive in there or anything. (We'll see!) She said his head is definitely engaged in my pelvis now, and he doesn't feel OP (posterior, aka, sunny-side up). All good news, since Josh was sunny-side up (facing up when born) and it caused some serious back labor.

I feel "ready" but my thoughts about this newest arrival are contradictory, at best...scattered would be more like it. I can't wait until he is OUT but there is no putting him back IN once that happens!! I'm wondering how this labor will go in comparison to the others, hoping I make it to the birth center, hoping I progress quickly on my own without the need for intervention, hoping I don't bleed/tear excessively after...(I've been blessed with fairly uncomplicated deliveries, but that doesn't ease my anxious heart!) It is just such an amazing process, and I want to really "be there" and remember the miracle of it all. Josh came so quick we didn't have time to tape - and I really would like to have this one recorded. Part of me was hoping that my water would break at my appt. yesterday (My labor bag travels with me!) and then I could just happily walk on over to the labor room...no problem! Of course that didn't happen. I'm just curious to see if my water breaks this time around, too. I'm really terrible at timing contractions, even these "false" ones I've been having. I'm also running through every scenario in my head, like if Jeff is at work, and I have the kids here, if I don't make it to the hospital...I've pretty much exhausted all possibilities here. If you would, just pray that I make it to the birth center!!

Godly Contentment & The Gift and Curse of Organization

I am asked a lot (especially on my really productive days) how I manage to get everything done around here. While I must be completely transparent and admit right upfront that a touch of OCD helps in this area, my talents in organization are really credit to God and the gifts that he blessed me with. I didn't get a whole lot of patience, or will power, or self-control....there are many other traits I could list here, but you get the general idea. God equips each of us the unique gifts and talents that he wants us to use for His kingdom. Right now my "kingdom" job is to raise my children and run this home, so what gets me through everyday is the contentment that comes when you realize this is exactly where you are supposed to be. Think about that for a second (or two, or three).

One of the biggest contributing factors to discontentment and resentment (having either negates any JOY and peace you should have) is the feeling that you could be doing something else, living somewhere else, going to school, working, not working...that is a slippery slope once you start your descent - comparing your life to others is a trap, and not fruitful at all. God wants us to have peace and joy where he plants us.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." - Hebrews 13:5

I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to
have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in
any and every situation,whether well fed or hungry, whether
living in plenty or in want. -Philippians 4:12

Don't think for a second that Jeff and I don't struggle with this - we are just as
susceptible to this temptation.  We have learned our lessons, though. When I separated from the
Air Force to be astay-at-home mom, our income dropped by $4,000/month!  We had prayed,
planned, and knew that our lifestyle was going to change and we wereready to accept it. 
The wonderful thing was, God really did take care of everything. We weren't able to sell our
house that we had just bought a year ago - but we found renters that moved in around the
same time we got offered a house on base. They didn't cover the entire mortgage, but we paid
out of pocket for as long as we could, thinking the house would sell eventually. Of course, that
was the same time the housing market completely crashed...so we ended up having to foreclose
anyway. That is one expensive lesson that we haven't completely paid for - we haven't done our
taxesthis year and it might bite us there. But, we are prepared for that. If that is the price we
have to pay to learn that lesson, it is worth it.

We are blessed to be living in a "sheltered" environment - we live on base and everyone around
us is in similar circumstances and financial situations...so we don't get exposed to too many
luxuries that might cause us to stumble.  (Although I'm mighty jealous about two of my friends
having an awesome tempurpedic bed!)  I'm learning to be content where we are - it is really hard
- we would both love to move out of California - preferably on the East Coast, but we would even
take Texas!  I know that this is temporary, and we have a pretty great life here, so I'm trying to
enjoy it and look forward to the time when we get to move.  Until then, I will work on my biggest
obstacles here:

1. Getting rid of Clutter and extra things we don't need.
2. Organizing the Garage.
3. Growing Spiritually.

That list probably needs to be re-prioritized, but those are the big 3!  I want to be ready for when
we do eventually move!

Okay so I kind of teased in the beginning about my secrets to organization - well I can definitely
give you a couple of pointers, things that work for me.  Here is my list:

Secrets to Michelle's Organization:

1. Having a "List": the "List" is kind of a joke around here, because sometimes I put stuff on
there that I've already done, just to get the satisfaction of checking off that little box...but
seriously, I wouldn't get anything done around here without my list. I organize my list into
different categories, too, so I'm sure to cover all areas of responsibility. (Example: Computer
work, Housework, Kitchen, Kids, Outside, Stuff for Jeff)
I'm a hearty believer in the little check box, too. People make fun of that, but I've heard it's a
Covey thing, too - so I'm in a good company!

2. Having a Vision: I was going to put "Having a Schedule" but that wouldn't be accurate.
I don't always have a schedule, but I usually have a vision for my day. For example, after making
the list, I decide what I really want to get accomplished for the day. Then I start on the list,
checking off things that will help me get to my ultimate goal. This goal/vision could be as simple
as having the house cleaned before lunch so we can go for a walk to the park, or, a trip to the
Library to rent new movies....you get the idea.

3. Seeking out inspiration: I frequently search online and flip through BHG/Good House-
keeping for ideas that will inspire me. I even started a book with magazine clippings of ideas I
would like to incorporate into our life. Some of the ideas won't be feasible until we move into
our OWN house, but they are still there. If I am feeling particularly unmotivated, I will surf on
over to http://orgjunkie.com/ or http://www.flylady.net/ for cleaning and decluttering ideas.

4. Starting small: Sometimes, the projects I get involved with around here are HUGE, and
intimidating, and the little check box begins to gather dust...well, the best way to tackle this
problem is to JUST GET STARTED. Start small. If you want to clean the garage, start in one
small section, or bin, and just get one small area done. The sense of accomplishment just might
catapult you into further cleaning action!

5. Start with Stuff you Hate to Do: For some reason, I can't stand cleaning bathrooms. I will
do everything possible before I pick up the toilet brush and tackle that urinary frontier.
(It could have something to do with all the BOYS around here). Anyway, I find I procrastinate on
this chore until I am absolutely overwhelmed at the state of the bath. I have found that if I make
this cleaning chore a priority, I feel so great about getting it over with that I am propelled into a
state of near euphoria. (I say "near" euphoria because clean, bleached, sheets are one of the only things that can get me
into a euphoric state!)

Okay. I think that is enough for now. Choose one from the list and get started!!

Baby Cascio (still unnamed!!) Update!

Alrighty all of you who are anxiously awaiting an update on my little uterine resident - it's time! Had an appointment yesterday afternoon with a midwife at Sutter Davis (very different experience than seeing an OB) and she confirmed that he is very low, -1 station, so that is why my back pain has been in overdrive lately and I feel all this pressure. Also, my most efficient cervix, which needs to make its way from a posterior position to a fully anterior position has rotated to midline - half way there. She said it is very soft (a good thing for future dilation) and 1+ cm. It hasn't started thinning though, but that can happen quickly! He is also head-down, and I'm assuming at this point (36 1/2 wks) he doesn't have any room to turn around in there! That doesn't stop him from rocking his body from side to side and kicking the bejeebers out of the top of the uterus. He is quite a feisty one, I must admit. I hope this doesn't translate to his personality....we are hoping for another "luke" baby - relatively quiet cry, pretty mellow, milk-hound that likes to sleep!

Also went to Bible Study last night - it was great...that is definitely where I need to be right now. Our assignment for this week is to find the bible verse that motivates us to stay in the word. Jeanette's is Proverbs 31:30. I haven't found one yet, but I'm working on narrowing it down.

Luke is wearing his Giants football shirt for the fourth day in a row. He won't take it off, just rotates the shorts he wears with it. I told him yesterday that he couldn't wear shorts because it was so cold out, so he went up to his room to change into his jeans and came back down in another pair of shorts. Then he told me, "I changed my mind, it's not cold out - I'll just wear shorts." Then we had to explain to him that just because he changed his mind about the temperature doesn't change the fact that it's cold outside. He was pretty reluctant about that (as he is with many things that he has made his mind up about)....

Josh is still in his PJs and they are both watching "Super Why" (which is an awesome reading show on PBS). So far no major intervention on my part has been needed. Amazing. By intervention, I mean breaking up a wrestling match...saving Eagle from propelling himself head first off the couch or stopping Luke from ripping all the pillows off the couch to make a "jumping place". So far, so good.

The Reality of "Sleep deprivation psychosis"

I want to preface this post with a disclaimer: I have not been diagnosed by a professional, and the advice contained hereafter is merely my opinion and should be interpreted as such. This information is best absorbed with a good sense of humor.

Yesterday morning, I had a minor "psychotic break" – which included the irrational opening and subsequent slamming of cupboards and drawers, crying out loud to josh (who was too absorbed in his self-pity sobs that he couldn't even hear me) ...all triggered by the loss of my slippers and k-cup holder. Let me explain, I had gotten maybe like 4 (non-contingent) hours of sleep in the past week. A week is 7 seven days. It might have even been longer than that, but I lost track of time two weeks ago.

Those of you function normally, or even optimally, on mere minutes of sleep, I am jealous. This doesn't work for me!!

Friday, February 19th

Okay. There it is in all it's nearly 36-week glory! The baby bump that is doing a pretty good job of looking rather basketball-ish at the moment. Someone actually said, "That's a strange place to carry around your basketball!" (with a chuckle)...last night at the grocery store. I grumbled something in response and managed a half-hearted smile, all the while wanting to just escape into the freezer section.

Speaking of the grocery store...I got to go ALL BY MYSELF, which is a rare treat that I am beginning to think will turn into a delightful escape in no time at all. I feel guilty about leaving Jeff stranded at the house after he worked all day, but I was on a mission. I menu-planned yesterday for the next week and had a big list of ingredients to get. I got a little carried away, but the commissary has such great sales, the hoarder in me just can't resist the stock up. Especially when we go through juice like wine at a wedding in Canaan. Ha ha. A little bible humor there for you!

While I was at the grocery store (here we call it the commissary aka com-misery on a payday), I was really struck by how lucky and fortunate we are to be able to buy whatever food we want, bring it home, stock our overflowing pantry, and have choices of what food to eat, whenever we want to eat it. I mean, have you really ever stopped to appreciate that? It's amazing. John 10:10 (one of our favorite verses) says,

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full."

And not only that, but he gives us this abundance and we don't even deserve it!! I don't pray every day, I don't read my bible every day, and I sin. EVERY DAY. Yet still, my meager efforts of Adoration, Confession, and Thanksgiving are rewarded 100 times. Can you imagine if I actually put more effort into my spiritual growth? I really do try, but is trying really enough?

I have a big list of stuff to get done today, and lately I've felt the need to prepare an "emergency birth kit" just in case we don't make it to the hospital in time. I had visions of delivering at Mimi & Palfs house (on the way to Sutter Davis)...I was trying to figure out where I would deliver in their house (I'm thinking Bath tub, maybe?? They have carpet everywhere!) and what I would need. Again, probably overactive meanderings of a 9-month pregnant mind, but still...I'm going to get it ready - JUST IN CASE! It would make for quite an entertaining story...

The rest of my "nesting" list is broken down by category - (really, who does that??) computer stuff, general house, kitchen cooking, organization, and Jeff stuff. If you ever need help organizing your to-do list, talk to me!! (Of course, if you need to organize your to-do list, you probably a) have too many things to do, and/or, b) have a little disorder called OCD, both of which apply in my situation.) Better get started checking some things off!

Getting things Fixed...

There really isn't much to say about today - the weather is icky again after two days of beautiful sunshine and 70, I guess it was inevitable...back to the wet, rainy, gray dismal-ness that is the California rainy season. I have to say, my mood suffers, but that could be partly because we are confined to the inside - lots of wii, tv, playdoh, and movies. Oh Thank God for the library and FREE MOVIES!! They may not have the greatest selection, but with kids that like to watch movies until they have committed every line to heart, it's a lifesaver. And the memory thing, that can be quite tricky to reverse. It's a good thing when Luke is quoting "Let my people GO!" (From the Ten Commandments), but a not-so-good thing when he starts picking up the language that seems to creep into even the PG-ist of movies. (He called Dylan a selfish jerk after watching Monsters vs. Aliens - although this does fit at times, I had to bite my tongue and chastise.)

Still waiting for Baby ___________ whatever-his-name is going to be! Not that I am expecting him to make his appearance this early, but the additive effects of severe back pain, head/chest cold, extreme fatigue, and the ever-present Braxton Hicks, I would welcome his entrance just a little earlier than usual. I'll be 36 weeks on Saturday....in like 2 days! That is when Dylan was born, and he turned out OK (well, functioning anyway!). I guess I'm sort of nesting now, I just feel pressure to get things done before there is another little screeching eaglet around attached to my "milkies"...it makes things a teensy bit more challenging to accomplish with a little one attached at all times!

My birthday was nice yesterday - pretty relaxed day, Dylan was sick all day so we had to suffer through his ailment with him (he tends to exaggerate A LOT!!!!!!!!). That kind of put a damper on the day - but what can you do? Got some nice cards, lots of facebook birthday wishes, nice presents and a card from my mom, and of course a cake from my husband...my present from him was (don't laugh!) A BREAD KNIFE. Woo hoo! Really excited about that (no, really) If you knew how much I enjoyed my warm-from-the-oven crusty bread with fresh melting butter....ahhhhh. Well we didn't have a bread knife, which made it very difficult to not crush the bread and saw through the tough exterior. It was a good choice on his part, until he remembered I asked for a waterpik. But that is considerably more expensive, and given our current uncertain tax situation, the knife was the way to go!

Well it's nap time around these parts, and I'm going to menu plan, then try to catch some zzzzz's with eagle and woog (if he will submit to sleeping, that is!)...Oh, and the "Getting things Fixed" has to do with the fact I called in like 4 work orders for various stuff that isn't working right around the house...they came this morning and fixed almost everything! Yay!